Getting Ready

I'm in Hannibal Missouri today for an interview tomorrow. It's rainy gloomy and cold but it's still beautiful.

My flight into St Louis was rather special. A guy went into a diabetic seizure over Oklahoma. There were 2 docs on board and the airline has a pretty extensive emergency kit. They gave him a shot of glucose and he snapped out of it. Then about 60 miles out of St Louis we were struck by lightning and it knocks out most of the avionics apparently. We had to fly in circles for a while and then the tower eventually vectored us in because visibility was next to nothing. How exciting!
When we landed the EMT's were there to great us and took the diabetic guy out. It was kinfd of funny because he was the only guy that attracted my attention prior to boarding. He was wearing this weird blue dress shirt with a white collar. It just looked strange.
Well I'm off to check into the motel, shave and then come back downtown to meet a few people.

Life

Thinking Back

This morning I'm in a nostalic mood. Things I liked as a kid were popping into my thoughts. Here's a list of some of those things. This isn't a complete list of all the things, just the ones that popped into my head today.

1. Cinnamon Toast with lots of butter first.
2. Welch's Grape Juice
3. The Jetsons
4. My ultra cool VAROOM bike.
5. My WHAMO Blaster with the Gorilla target which lead to my next thought...
6. Magilla
7. The printing press I bought from my best friend - Greg Gallager
8. Kissing Sissy Eftinoff
9. The very creepy Wolf Mansion
10. My secret tree fort deep in the woods

Daily Thought

Some people are like Slinkies. They're not really good for anything, but they bring a smile to your face when pushed down the stairs.

My First Colonic Experience

For a heterosexual man, my first colonic was quite embarrassing, initially uncomfortable, and eventually invigorating.

First off let me say that my "back door" has never had it's hinges sprung and swung the other way. If you can imagine if a door had feelings, how uncomfortable this would be to the door - it was as well to me.I'm not homophobic, but if God had meant for things to go in instead of out, he would have may the door a little looser.

If you know how a colonic is done, then you are also aware that the "speculum" thing they "gently ease" into you is not that big. Only about as big around as an average index finger I would say. But fingers are kind of pointed and soft.

I've had the annual prostate exam, and it was just more of a "surprise!" feeling than uncomfortable. Plus, the doc only has his finger up there for a very short period as compared to the length of time this speculum thing makes it's home in your ass. Well, unless you have a doctor like my last exam doc who decided to give me a doctorate-like verbal thesis on the prostate and proceeded to use his inserted finger like a kid poking a turtle with a stick - pointing out what this lobe is, and that lobe. And why, if it were enlarged, it would put pressure here, and here, etc., etc., etc. Interesting maybe, interesting when you are the anatomically correct dummy... not so much.

Anyway, by the time I was 20 minutes into this procedure, I felt my sphincter cells merging with the plastic speculum. Yes, they were becoming one. I then envisioned myself having to design new cloths, furniture, etc., in order to accommodate this 4" plastic/flesh tube extending from my ass.

At some point I realized that the lady performing the procedure appeared to be having fun. So I asked her, "are you enjoying this?" She replied that she gets a certain feeling of satisfaction when she knows that she has "broken through" to blockages that caused me to be here. She said she knows that I'm going to start feeling better because she has been able to open me up. So now apparently, my body will be able process pre-poop (somewhere between Food and poop) as God intended.

So after about 45 minutes of this repeated fill and drain process she tells me she's done. I was somewhat relieved until I realized she was tugging at this tube that had merged with my anus like some sort of Jeff Goldblum experience in The Fly.
"Oh my God", she's pulling on it, trying to separate it from my body. Imagine ripping your tongue from the frozen metal pole.

Other visions entered my mind like the time when I was just a kid, I saw our neighbor beating two dogs with a broomstick, that were for some reason hooked together and facing opposite directions. They screamed and howled and one began to run, dragging the other on the ground howling and screaming behind. Of course, a few years later I learned what it was that happened, and wondered if I was ever gonna get stuck like that. Well little did I know that I would, only not in as pleasurable a circumstance.

So now it's the following day, and I have to admit, after all the uncomfortable feelings and the embarrassment and the loss of my virginity and the loss of my conjoined plastic ass-tube, I feel good! - lighter, less bulky and bloated, my pants were looser and I have an excessive amount of gas that seems never ending. It's a good thing I work at home.
So the Colon Nazi tells me I will probably need 3 or 4 or these to get me totally cleaned out and then a maintenance colonic once a month or so. I'll let you know how that goes.....

Media Brainwashing

I’ve been having this ongoing argument with my wife about crime. I hypothesized that 24 hr news and the medias desire for ratings has given us an unfair and unrealistic view of the prevalence of crimes in the US. The data below shows how accurate I was. The media has us living in fear. Crime rates in this country have been going down for decades, nearly always in actual numbers, not just by % of population.

I have researched the following statistics myself.

If the media can do this to our thoughts of safety etc, imagine what else they can brainwash us into believing.

Using US DOJ Statistics -1960 – 2006 (latest statistics released by US Gov’t)

Vehicle Theft
Number of thefts have gone down consistently both in actual incidents and percentage of population
2006 thefts lowest since 1982

Larceny Theft
Number of thefts have gone down consistently both in actual incidents and percentage of population
2006 larceny thefts lowest since 1979

Burglary
Number of burglaries have gone down consistently both in actual incidents and percentage of population
2006 burglaries lowest since 1969

Aggravated assaults
Number of assaults have gone down consistently both in actual incidents and percentage of population
2006 assaults lowest since 1987

Robbery
Number of robberies have gone down consistently both in actual incidents and percentage of population
2006 robberies lowest since 1974

Forcible Rape
Number of rapes have gone down consistently both in actual incidents and percentage of population
2006 rapes lowest since 1987 and 1987 was lowest since 1973 (1 year spike)

Murder
Number of murders have gone down consistently both in actual incidents and percentage of population
2006 murders lowest since 1970

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Categorically

Property Crimes

Number of property crimes have gone down consistently both in actual incidents and percentage of population
2006 property crimes lowest since 1974

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Violent Crimes
Number of violent crimes have gone down consistently both in actual incidents and percentage of population
2006 violent crimes also lowest since 1974

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Index (crimes per 1 million of population)

2006 – 3,808
Lowest index since 1969 – 3,680

Based on population,
Crime Rate for 2006 = 1.27
Crime Rate for 1969 = 1.82

Since 1969 the Crime Rate has dropped almost 31%

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Now, yes I'm aware that in some areas there are a higher number of crimes than there were previously, but apparently those spike locations move about and leave a reduced number of crimes in other areas. These are nationwide numbers. Your specific location may be different.

It is a fair comparison to use population as an index. If the number of incidences is the same or lower in an area of increased population then your safety or odds of a crime being perpetrated against you are lower.

My wife and her self help books

My wife is reading yet another self help book. How many of these does one have to read before they start working to the readers satisfaction? I'm assuming she doesn't think they are working because she keeps reading more of them.

Is it that she is looking for the "process" that appears the easiest to live by? or that maybe she revels in her anguish or whatever it is she is trying to overcome?

I have read some of them and have gotten good things from most, but I don't see myself duplicating any life of any one of these authors. I take a little from here and a little from there. I guess that's what she is doing, but she's obsessive about it.

I try to tell her that life is what you make of it. 99% (IMHO) of your life is controlled by yourself. You can choose to enjoy it or you can choose to let drama, unhappiness and pain own you.

Forget about it, move on, and PURPOSELY enjoy the day.

I guess that's why they call me The Dreamer.

Neil Armstrong

I just finished reading a review of a new book about Neil Armstrong. American, man, recluse, astronaut, icon, living history.

I'm not sure how I feel about Neil right now. I mean I understand his wanting to be out of the limelight but what the hell did he expect. The first human to ever walk on another rock in space was bound to be uber-famous and if he didn't realize that he had no common sense even though he is a brilliant man or he was naive or he was in denial. I'm not sure which. I still respect him, idolize him etc.

Neil has no idea who I am or what effect he had on my life and I'm sure countless other men who grew up in the sixties, and who watched every second of the Apollo 11 mission.

I feel for Neil that he has been unable to accept his place in history. Shit he doesn't even sign autographs anymore. How can he deny us that? Our tax dollars and our parents tax dollars enabled this man to become one of the most famous men in history, and he won't sign an autograph. How unfortunate for all of us. How disrespectful, how selfish. Get over it Neil... Nimoy did. When Nimoy just accepted that he would always be known as Spock, life got much better, more interesting and definitely more financially rewarding for him.

Neil, I hope you reconsider your obligation to every American. You owe us at least a signature if we ask for it. On the other hand, I thank you for providing me with dreams, incentive, ambition, drive, and hope. Hope because you showed me that dreams do come true. I hope YOU tell us your story someday.